But We Still, Hold On
by bjames238
Summary: Day 1 Snowbarry Week 2019 "high school sweethearts." A.U./A.H. High school - pretend it's a different Earth. Caitlin and Barry meet in high school and it isn't long before they fall head over heels in love (even if they're too stubborn to act on it).


A..N. Title comes from the song "All You Wanted" by Sounds Under Radio.

* * *

For Barry Allen, high school was already turning out a lot like middle school and it was only the first day. As usual, he overslept - completely slept through his alarm. When he woke up, Joe was already gone to work and Iris was nowhere to be found either - probably already at school after catching the bus. Barry ran around as fast as he could, getting dressed and scarfing down some breakfast.

Luckily he made it just in time to catch the city bus. By the time he made it to Central City High School, the doors were already locked and he had to pound on them for what felt like forever before the janitor let him in.

He was running his way down the hall to his locker when he heard the sounds of crying and laughing in the distance. He stopped, turning a corner and frowning at the sight of a girl about his age with reddish-brown hair. She was knelt on the ground, crying, surrounded by a scattered pile of books and a bookbag. Another older girl with dark hair stood over her, laughing.

"What's the matter, Scaredy-Cait!? Drop something?" The older girl sneered.

'Cait' tried to get up, but the bully knocked her down again. "Lexi, stop!"

"Shut up, Caitlin!" Lexi rolled her eyes.

Barry cringed, the tone of the older girl's voice was one he was all too familiar with. He was used to being teased and kicked around by his own personal bully - Tony Woodward.

The girl - Caitlin? - looked absolutely miserable on the ground. He frowned, feeling torn. He knew the right thing to do would be to intervene, stick up for Caitlin against the older girl. He also knew, though, that the bully appeared to be older than him and it would do no good for both Barry and Caitlin to be in the bully's crosshairs.

"Lexi, I have to get to class! Please!" Caitlin cried.

"Nerd much?" Lexi laughed. "So pathetic."

Barry balled his fists at his sides, his muscles tensing. He stepped forward, about to intervene, when a boy with long dark hair stepped in between Caitlin and Lexi.

"Dude, Lexi, leave her alone."

"Cisco, don't." Caitlin shook her head. Barry paused, relaxing his fists.

"No one gets to pick on my best friend." Cisco glared at the bully.

Lexi just stared back and forth between Caitlin and Cisco, and then burst out laughing. "Whatever. You're both pathetic - and this is boring." With a roll of her eyes, Lexi crossed her arms and walked away.

Barry sighed in relief as Cisco helped Caitlin to her feet. The two of them hugged and walked down the hall. Barry watched them until they disappeared around a corner, and then hurried to his own class.

Later at lunch, he caught up with Iris who teased him mercilessly for being late - again - as they ate at one of the tables. "High school seems a lot like middle school." She laughed, fondly shaking her head. "Oh Barry Allen, what are we going to do with you?"

"Yeah yeah . . ." He rolled his eyes. He caught a glimpse of red brown hair out of the corner of his eye, instantly transfixed and searching the crowd. And then he saw her, trailing behind a line of other students with the long haired boy right next to her.

"Uh oh . . . I know that look." Iris smirked.

"Huh?" Barry's eyes didn't stray from where she stood.

"Your 'I'm in love' look. It's adorable, really. You totally had that last year when you had that crush on that girl Linda before she moved away." Iris chuckled. "Who's the girl this time?"

Barry shrugged. "I dunno. I saw her this morning get picked on by an older girl."

"Aww . . . did you step in and save her, a white knight?" Iris looked over his shoulder. "Aww she's cute."

"Didn't get the chance." Barry grumbled, picking at his food. "The guy standing with her with the long hair showed up, told the bully to get lost."

"Ooh - competition already." Iris said. "I love a good love triangle."

"You watch too much One Tree Hill and Vampire Diaries." Barry scrunched his face.

Iris glared at him, pushing his shoulder. "Whatever, nerd - you're totally the one who got me hooked on them." He rolled his eyes.

"All I know about her is her name is Caitlin. I think her friend's name is Cisco." Barry looked over the crowd again, watching a dejected Caitlin slide her tray down the line as Cisco chatted animatedly about something in her ear.

"Aahh…" Iris nodded. "I'd heard of her from some of the other girls in homeroom but didn't have a face for the name. She's Caitlin Snow - a transfer from somewhere outside of Central City. And her friend is Cisco Ramon - he's been in our grade forever he just doesn't talk to many people. Not sure but I think they've been friends a long time, just lived in different cities. So . . . jury's out whether they're a couple or just friends. I guess she came here the last half of the semester last year, but neither of us had any classes with her."

"Why'd she move here?" Barry raised an eyebrow.

"No one really seems to know." Iris shrugged. "Lotta mystery, I guess? From what I've gathered, something with an ex-boyfriend or parents splitting up or dying or something? Or all of it? Who knows. Other girls kinda said she was a loner - won't really talk to anyone but Cisco. Um . . . one girl called her an ice queen."

"They don't even know her, how can they judge her with such awful labels?" Barry's face grew red. Across the room, Caitlin sunk down in a chair looking down at her food wearily, a frown on her face and eyes looking like they could tear up at any moment. Cisco sat down beside her, obviously trying to cheer her up but it didn't seem to be working.

"Just telling you what I heard," Iris held up her hands. "Didn't say they knew any of the truth."

"Why do people have to be so mean? She obviously just went through something horrible, and she's stuck in a place she doesn't know with people being cruel to her." Barry grunted, every second seeing Caitlin look so sad and uncomfortable fueling his rage.

"Barry, are you okay?" Iris watched him with concern.

"I just don't like seeing people being bullied and teased." Barry sighed.

"I know." Iris said softly. "I know what you've gone through with Tony and the other guys all these years since you came to live with dad and me. I hated that my best friend felt so awful. I don't like seeing it either. Maybe it'll get better, once people get to know her."

"We both know that's not likely to happen. They'll just keep ridiculing her until she snaps. And then they'll hate her more." Barry's heart broke at the thought of it.

"Barry . . . Why don't you try talking to her?" Iris suggested.

"I . . ." He faltered.

"She looks absolutely miserable, and her friend kinda seems to be making it worse." Iris frowned. "If even some of the rumors about her are true, you two probably have a lot in common. And you're one of the best guys I know, if anyone can help her it's you. Plus you seem to really care about her already and you haven't even met her yet."

"I wouldn't even know how to approach her - what if I make it worse too?" Barry put his hand on the back of his neck, gulping.

"Won't know until you try, buddy." Iris patted him on the back. Across the room, Cisco picked up his tray and went back in the food line leaving Caitlin by herself. "Look - there's your shot. Go for it, Barry." She pushed him to his feet.

Barry awkwardly stood in place, glaring back at Iris. She smirked, winking, and pushed him forward. Barry's eyes widened and he panicked - there was no way he could do this! He was so sure he was going to make it worse, and Caitlin was going to hate him. He was about two seconds from bolting out of the cafeteria when his eyes locked with hers.

Caitlin regarded him curiously, if not slightly annoyed. A scowl came across her face, her lips in a tight line. Barry gave an awkward smile, his feet somehow shuffling across the room toward her. Just as he was almost to her, he tripped slightly on his laces but he just stumbled a little bit and managed to catch himself. He came to stand a few spaces away from her, and she looked up at him.

Caitlin's scowl barely morphed into a smirk, as if she were fighting the urge to laugh. "You okay, geez?" Her voice was a bit snippy, but he ignored the tone.

"Eh just another normal klutzy day. I'm . . . a bit accident prone." He laughed nervously.

"Apparently so." She nodded. She went back to picking at her food. Barry just stood there frozen, unsure of what to do. "Need something or you just going to stand there and watch me eat like a creeper?" She let out a tired sigh.

"What? Oh . . ." Barry blushed. "Mind if I sit?"

"If you really want to, no one here to stop you." Her tone was flat.

"Thanks." He sat down in the empty chair two spots away from her, not wanting to encroach on her space. "So . . . first day of high school. Big step."

"I guess." She shrugged.

"You're new, right? Sort of?" He looked down at his hand, hiding it behind his back when he saw it was shaking. "I'm Barry Allen, that's my friend Iris over there."

"What do you want, Barry Allen?" She scrunched her nose in annoyance.

Barry balked, his nerves taking over."I-I just wanted to say hi. I saw you this morning and now in the cafeteria, wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You don't even know me." She snipped. "Why do you care?"

"You seem sad, and I know how mean the kids here can be from personal experience." He said softly.

"Look, creeper, I'm fine. Okay? Mind your own business." She huffed and grabbed her book bag, storming out of the room.

Barry sank into the chair, defeated. He looked over to Iris who shrugged, frowning. Cisco came back to the table, his eyes widening when he saw Caitlin's forgotten tray of food. He turned to Barry, opening his mouth and pointing his finger. "She took off, sorry." Barry told him. Cisco groaned, leaving his tray and taking off after her. Barry retreated back to his table with Iris, burying his head in his hands.

"Um . . . yeah that didn't look good dude." Iris shook her head. "What did you do?"

"I really don't know . . ." Barry groaned.

* * *

His second to last class of the day, Barry walked into his biology class just as the bell rang and froze. There weren't any more empty seats - except for one right next to the last person he wanted to be around right now.

"Mr Allen? You'll be partners with Caitlin Snow for the semester." Dr. Wells pointed to the empty chair.

Barry gulped, reluctantly taking the seat beside her. "H-Hi. So you're Caitlin Snow, huh?"

"Great." She rolled her eyes, turning to look away from him.

Dr. Wells continued with the lecture, explaining their semester long partner project that would tie into their final exam. Barry dutifully took down the notes, tried to keep to himself as Caitlin did the same.

When class was over, Barry cleared his throat and turned to Caitlin. "So . . . ah . . . how do you want to do this project?"

"I'd really rather just do it myself." She rolled her eyes.

"Unfortunately I don't think Dr. Wells would like that. He's one of the stricter teachers around, not good to get on his bad side." Barry told her.

She groaned. "Whatever. Let's just do the work separately then, split everything in half."

"Did I do something to upset you?" Barry blurted out. "I was just trying to make sure you were okay at lunch. I didn't mean to make you angry."

"I don't need a stranger to take care of me." She snapped.

"Look, I get it. You're in a new school and you don't know any of us and you've already got a friend - boyfriend?." He raised an eyebrow.

"Cisco is *not* my boyfriend!" Her eyes widened.

"Just a friend then, got it. But the point is, I get feeling like the odd man - woman - out. Okay? Whatever you're going through, it's okay." He told her.

"You don't understand anything about what I'm going through." Her eyes flashed with anger.

"Maybe not." He shrugged. "But we've all got our own demons. I . . . I lost my mom when I was a kid. And my dad had to go away, because they think he murdered her but he didn't. I know he didn't. My friend, Iris? I've lived with her and her dad since then and they've become my family. Some of the guys at school used to tease me about it - because my dad is in prison and I live with the cop who put him away."

Her eyes softened, if not slightly, and she frowned. "I . . ."

"It's okay, I didn't tell you looking for pity. Just want you to see that I get it, having baggage that people make fun of." Barry looked down. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, just want you to know the option is there if you ever do want it."

"Okay." She nodded. "Um . . . I guess we could work on the project together. Sorry I was such a bitch. Just a reflex, I guess. Cisco tells me I need to stop being so confrontational - that not everyone here is as awful as most."

"Cisco's right." Barry said. "All forgiven - I . . . should've approached it better too. I was just nervous and I get really awkward when I'm nervous."

"Just when you're nervous?" She smirked. "Sorry - just teasing."

He laughed. "We are quite the pair, Caitlin Snow."

"That we are, Barry Allen." She shook her head, also laughing.

"What's your next class? Maybe we could walk together." Barry offered.

"Oh...um…" Caitlin pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. "History, on the third floor."

"What a coincidence, I have a geography class on the same floor." Barry nodded, holding out his arm. "Shall we?"

"We shall." She blushed, hooking her arm in his. Barry couldn't help but notice the smile on her face as they walked down the hall together.

* * *

Over the next few months, the two grew closer as they worked on their biology project together. Caitlin was a natural with the subject, more so than Barry, so she really took on leadership of the project. He found out she wanted to go to school to become a doctor, and eventually a bio-engineer and Barry could already see she was gifted. He was so much better with chemistry, and most of the class went right over his head. He told her that he wanted to study forensics, work as a CSI for the police to get proper justice, so no one else would have to be wrongfully accused of something they didn't do.

It was a chilly day in November that he found out why she moved to Central City. They sat in Jitters with coffees near the fireplace, their project notes spread out on the table in front of them. Caitlin had just explained to him (again) one of the things that kept messing him up, and then she got really quiet.

"Cait, you okay?" He looked up, concerned.

"It was my dad." She mumbled, her eyes focused on the coffee mug in front of her. "He was sick for a long time, for most of my childhood actually."

Barry was quiet as she stared down at the cup for a while.

"It was ALS, so there's no cure. He was first diagnosed when I was ten, but I think he was sick a lot earlier than that." She sniffled. "He fought the symptoms at first, and he always made time to spend time with me and help me with my homework. But then it got worse, and he started acting differently. Always locking himself in his lab at home for days, though I'm not even sure he was working on anything. Then the beginning of school the next year, he got really bad. None of the medications or therapies or anything were working anymore. I came home from school the first day back after Christmas break and he wasn't there. My mom told me he was gone, that it happened while I was at school. I didn't even get to say goodbye. It was just my mom and I then, but we'd never really been close anyways."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Caitlin, I'm so sorry." He reached forward to wipe the tears from her eyes with a napkin.

"My mom shut down - focused on her work. She's never home. Last year was really hard - my boyfriend Ronnie and I were in a car accident. I was mostly okay, but Ronnie didn't make it. I was unconscious for awhile though and missed the funeral." She stopped, crying for a few moments. Barry handed her another napkin. "My mom was too busy with work to care - didn't even call to make sure I was okay. She just hired someone to take care of me at home until I got better. I couldn't handle being alone in that house anymore with all the memories, so I moved here to live with Cisco's family." She told him. "We've known each other most of our lives since we became friends at Science Camp in first grade. He's my brother, and his parents have always been more like family to me since Dad died. Ronnie was his friend too, so we mourned him together. It's all just been really hard, and losing Ronnie brought up a lot about my dad." She sniffled, rolling her eyes. "But I hid behind my anger, chose to push everyone away. It's getting better, being here. But some days I just want to hide out and cry or explode with anger and run away."

"I was angry for a long time too." Barry nodded. "Sometimes I think I still am. It's hard to lose the people we love. I . . . the first day of school I saw you get picked on by that older girl."

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "I thought I saw someone down the hall when Lexi wouldn't leave me alone . . . that was you?"

"I was late for school like always, missed the bus. I was on my way to class when I heard you crying and the other girl - Lexi? - was laughing at you." Barry sighed. "It was awful - reminded me of my own days in a similar situation. I was literally moments from stepping in when Cisco showed up. The rest of the day, I couldn't stop thinking about you."

"Lexi's awful. She's always teasing me and pushing me around. Not even an hour later, she put chewed bubblegum in my hair. It took the school nurse forever to get it all out." Caitlin scrunched her face. "Since then she still kind of picks on me, but not as bad as that first day."

"Bullies suck." Barry agreed. "But yeah - I saw you again at lunch and it was actually Iris who convinced me to go talk to you."

"I still regret how awful I was to you that day. You were just trying to help and I bit your head off - more than once." She bit her bottom lip.

"I've told you not to worry about it." He shook his head. "We're friends now, right?"

"Yeah . . ." She mumbled, still biting that lip.

"You're doing that thing you do when something's bothering you, biting that lip. What's wrong?" His eyebrows crinkled with concern.

She shook her head. "It's nothing - just head stuff."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Not sure I entirely believe you, but I don't want to upset you talking about it more. Promise to talk to me if you need it?"

"Promise." She nodded.

Barry and Caitlin continued to work on their biology project through the holidays and turned it in, of course receiving a perfect grade. During Christmas break she introduced him to Cisco and he introduced her to Iris and together with Iris's boyfriend Eddie they all became close friends. The next school year they met new guy Ralph, and Cisco started dating Cynthia, and their group continued to grow.

By the middle of sophomore year, Caitlin realized she'd been in love with him all along, but didn't know what to do. Barry started dating Patty toward the end of the school year and Caitlin was devastated. She distanced herself from the group for a while, falling on bad habits. She dated Hunter first - who turned out to be a jerk who tried to hurt her. Then she met Julian junior year, an exchange student from England. Julian was everything that Hunter was not, and it was nice for a while. But Julian couldn't handle her constant struggle with depression and anger, and tried to change her. She lashed out in response, grew angrier and more distant. All the anger and ptsd and issues she'd been repressing for years released and she was almost a different person altogether. Wearing different clothes, bleaching her hair out, wearing more makeup, hanging out with the rougher crowd.

Patty broke up with Barry and moved away, and it wasn't until then he really realized how little he'd seen Caitlin over the last year or even knew what she went through. He tried to reach out, spend more time with her, but Caitlin pushed him away along with the rest of their friends the rest of the year. Her new friends frequently picked on and teased others - including her old friends - and she did nothing to stop it. Even joined in sometimes.

She grew close to the leader of her new group of friends, a senior who looked an awful lot like Barry. Nobody was allowed to call him by his name - not that anyone really knew what that was - and instead he preferred them to call him Savitar, as he likened himself a god above all the other idiots around him. Those he even allowed, anyways, everyone else he bullied and beat up on. He became obsessed with Caitlin, much like Hunter had. He encouraged her to embrace the colder sides of her dark moods, referred to her as his queen - even called her Frost. It scared her at first, but it also thrilled her. Caitlin didn't agree with much of what he did and said, but she felt stuck. She loved him, so she didn't say anything. Until Savitar beat Cisco up in front of her with the hopes of showing her she didn't need her old friends. It backfired, and she knocked Savitar out.

The trauma of it brought her clarity, made her realize just how dark and awful she was. But she was terrified her friends wouldn't forgive her, or welcome her back.

By the summer before senior year, she went to Europe for three months with Dr. Well's summer internship class. She didn't talk to any of her friends all summer. When she came back to school on the first day of senior year looking more like herself, it was tense between her and her friends. They knew she'd been manipulated into acting that way, but the betrayal still hurt. It was Cisco who approached her first, after school that first day where she sat under a tree. She apologized, but Cisco insisted there was nothing to apologize for. Just told her to be the Caitlin Snow they love, and the rest would work itself out in time. He also insisted she talk to Barry, whom he told her was miserable the whole three months she was gone - and the weeks before during her 'dark time.'

She took his advice, finding Barry at the park where his parents used to take him as a kid staring at the pond. He told her he was still hurt by her actions, but he'd missed her and was glad she was home. They shared their first kiss that day, the first of many to follow. They got to know each other again, and their friends slowly welcomed her back into their group.

On the day of graduation, Barry proposed to Caitlin and she accepted happily. They were wed before they started college in the fall, with their friends all around them. Together they followed their dreams, lived their lives, achieved their goals. Certainly not happily ever after, because that only existed in fairy tales, but close enough for their happiness.

And then they took on their next big adventure together, expanding their family with a son - Henry Thomas-Joseph Snow-Allen, affectionately called TJ, and later a daughter - Nora Noelle Snow-Allen. And, a dog named Flash to grow up with the children.

_~fin~ _

A.N. can't take credit for the names Lexi taunts Caitlin with - had a little help from some new friends on the Snowbarry Discord App.


End file.
